The wedding of Constantine Vorotnikov and Xenia Ryabova
More than a year has passed since the death of Xenia Ryabova—a wonderful woman, five times Paralympic dressage champion, an artist, a journalist, and a writer.
Xenia lived a happy and fulfilled life despite the fact that because of severe cerebral palsy she could move only in a wheelchair, was unable to speak clearly and take care of herself. But her severe physical disability did not prevent Xenia from becoming a beloved wife, a mother of two, and a champion in equestrian sports many times over. She painted pictures, wrote novels and articles, collected material for a book on hippotherapy…
But, most importantly, Xenia inspired people by her example. She taught us, all who knew her, that we should live and believe, and never lose heart. Whatever may happen, we should rise and go forward, and believe again… Believe with all our strength.
I remember asking Xenia whether she had ever dreamed of marrying, bearing and giving birth to children or this had occurred purely as a miracle, like a bolt from the blue.
She wrote to me in response: “I have always felt that I am a fully-fledged woman and known that I have a right to be loved and happy, like anyone else.”
This is exactly what happened. Constantine, Xenia’s husband, took it upon himself to take care of his loved one. He would feed, bathe her, push her heavy wheelchair, and often negotiate with donors and journalists on her behalf.
When I first saw this lean man with a hobbling gait (Constantine has cerebral palsy as well) who adroitly managed his wife’s heavy wheelchair, it seemed to me that I hardly knew anything about true love.
A year after Xenia’s repose I made up my mind to conduct an interview with her husband, Constantine Vorotnikov. And, of course, we talked about love…
“I feel her presence”
—Kostya [a diminutive form of the name Constantine.—Trans.], you did not want to speak about Xenia with anybody for a long time… Now that more than a year has passed are you ready to talk with me about your love?
—After Xenia’s death I was completely absorbed in my work. Glory be to God, I still had a job then… I am indebted to one person for that. It was computer work from home. I would go to bed at three A.M. and get up at five. For a long time I could not sleep at all… (At this moment Constantine fell silent and dropped his eyes confusedly, and then added in a very low voice). I still cannot sleep now…
—Why? Do any thoughts prevent you from sleeping? (I asked him cautiously).
—It is still hard for me to believe that she is gone. How can I explain it to you?... (I saw that Constantine wanted to say something to me but was confused). You are unlikely to believe me…
—You can tell me. I will believe you. (I tried to cheer him up).
—You see, I feel her presence. As if she comes to me… My Xyushenka [a diminutive and affectionate form of the name Xenia.—Trans.)…
“When people love each other, they form a whole”
—Kostya, can you tell us how you first met Xenia?
—It happened very simply: online, through a “medieval” role-playing game. Then we corresponded for a long time and realized that we had so much in common and needed to meet in person. It was then that I came to her in Moscow from Kazakhstan.
—Did it at once become clear that it was love?
—We understood at once that we must not lose each other. Perhaps these words would be more correct. Xenia used to say that she was afraid to lose me. And I felt the same: I was very afraid to lose her. But then I could not stay longer with her: I had to go back to Kazakhstan to finish my studies at university and obtain a degree.
—Xenia told me that once she had seen you she thought: “Here is my knight!” (I recalled with a smile).
—Yes, we became close thanks to our great love for the era of knights and history in general. By the way, I found an unfinished historical novel that Xenia had begun. It seems I must try and finish it.
—I know that you lived with Xenia’s parents for some time and then decided to rent an apartment and start living independently. Did you understand what responsibility would be heaped on your shoulders and that you would take it on yourself to take care of Xenia (bathing and feeding her, cleaning, cooking and pushing her in her wheelchair in the streets)?
—Frankly, I had never thought about this so much. That was absolutely natural for me—taking care of her was the same as taking care of myself. You know, when people love each other, they form a whole! After all, you won’t regard it as a heroic deed to feed or wash yourself.
Indeed very many people—volunteers, neighbors—often helped us… Xenia always attracted generous people. And she would help me about the house too. She could peel potatoes or cut something when she was in a calm mood. But when she was nervous she was even unable to hold a spoon in her hand.
“Tears are not a sign of weakness”
—Tell me what is love for you?
—Love can be different. There is infatuation, which is seemingly like love, but only ten to fifteen percent of it. But there is also true, one-hundred-percent love. As you get to know the other person better, the degree of love grows. And little by little two people form a whole. But if the other person has been taken from you, you can do nothing without him or her as if you had lost an arm. So you learn to live anew without an arm.
—Did you ever argue?
—Of course! (Kostya laughs). Look here! If a couple tells you that they love each other so much that they never argue, don’t believe them! They either haven’t told you the whole truth or are simply indifferent to each other. Certainly we did argue and we could say a lot of unpleasant things to each other in a fit of irritation. There were hard periods of misunderstanding. Sometimes we even wept together. We experienced everything.
—Did Xenia ever cry? (I was surprised). She always seemed to be so strong.
—Strong people also cry sometimes. Tears are not an indication of weakness! (Kostya replied in a very serious manner).
“I can’t do anything without her”
—Kostya, did you hope to start a family immediately?
—Exactly so. We wanted a fully-blooded family. It could not have been otherwise with Xenia. She was very stubborn and determined. If she had an aim, she would always attain it. True, not everybody supported us in this. When my wife got pregnant, the doctors said that she wouldn’t be able to carry the baby, but Xenia got her way in this case too.
—The doctors tried to dissuade you from having a child, didn’t they?
—No, not with the first baby: during the first pregnancy they just warned us of complications. But when Xenia became pregnant for the second time, they did try to dissuade us. After Yasha [a diminutive form of the name Yakov / James in Russian.—Trans.] arrived, it was clear that he would have serious health issues; so they suggested that we leave him in the maternity home and abandon him.
—But you didn’t abandon him?
—Certainly not! Though we did realize that it would be extremely difficult for two handicapped people to take care of another handicapped person. But my mother helped us with this a great deal. She came to us right away and took Yasha. Now he lives with her. When Xenia was alive, we would transfer most of the money we would receive from donors to our son. And now that I am unemployed I barely have enough money to cover my rent.
—And why not go to them in Kazakhstan?
—I will become an extra mouth to feed for my mother there. There are no jobs in Kazakhstan, and pensions are miserable. I must acquire Russian citizenship if only for my son’s sake; in this case my pension will be higher and there will be more prospects of getting a job.
—You didn’t apply for Russian citizenship in ten years of marriage?
—You are right. I see it was silly of me. I didn’t care about such things. We just lived like children without thinking of things like this. Once Xenia had passed away, all these problems and the unpaid bills fell to me: where to live, how to pay my rent, how to earn sufficient money to send it to Yasha. And the question of Russian citizenship arose as well.
—It follows that though Xenia had difficulty speaking, she would solve all your day-to-day affairs?
—Yes, she had the talent for writing beautifully; she would find donors herself, write to them and attract their attention. And now I can’t do anything without her…
