You can’t be too late for God
Dear in the Lord A.!
Your question about enclosing yourself in a monastery falls away immediately. One should join a monastery not because his family has broken up, but because his heart is burning with the desire to be saved by a hard way, and to serve God undividedly. Seeing as you have not excluded the thought of starting another family, you obviously do not have this desire.
So live in your house, pray for your former spouse and for your children, and put the latter fully on their own feet.
You cannot be too late for God, and once you have completely paid your parental debt, then the rest of your path will determine itself.
But the path is straightforward: either the restoration of your family, or the way of repentance and sorrows because you were not able to bring your family to God.
No one needs us but God
Dear in the Lord L.!
A man of holy life said once to me, “we are all essentially superfluous, and no one needs us but God.”
My dear, I advise you to remember this all your life, and seek strength and consolation only in God.
As for your wish to live in the village, I will warn you—a woman has no business there alone; there you need not only a head on your shoulders and laboring hands, you also need the support and protection of a man—otherwise there’ll be trouble. Therefore, live in the city.
Pray to Martyr Tryphon and St. Spyridon for work and a place to live, and God will console you in time. Do not take offense at your mother. Taking offense is demonic; you should rather feel sorry for her that she does not understand something which is quite essential.
That you will get lost in the world is a thought from the enemy. Banish it.
I receive so many bitter letters from people who are searching for lost loved ones. My heart aches for them, but the hearts of those who write about them are simply breaking. For many it is as the Russian saying goes, “it’s crowded together, but it’s depressing apart.” Yes, so depressing—to the point of a heart attack.
Dear in the Lord I.!
Your attraction/love should be placed in a bridle. There are more than enough reasons for this. The first and foremost is that you have pretences upon a role of “savioress,” and this is hopeless and sinful.
The second and no less important reason is that because of your differences in age and inward states you should not be together.
Now you have drawn a picture for yourself, but it is not realistic; it is your own imagination. Therefore, the sooner you understand this, the better it will be for you.