What is father listening to?
One day, a priest was riding a commuter train listening to one of Dostoevsky’s greatest novels with his headphones; he was writing a dissertation on it. He totally zoned out. In the meantime, an elderly lady standing nearby was dying from curiosity: What was father listening to?
She first tried to move closer, then stepped away, then sighed a little and even gave him a wink. Finally, she tapped him on the shoulder and asked:
“Batiushka, what is that you’re listening to?”
As truthful and unpretentious as he was, he replied, “Demons.”1
The poor old lady quickly vanished into thin air.
“Let’s be sincere and everything will either increase or vanish, depending on the circumstances,” the priest deduced from this encounter (according to a story by Hieromonk Dmitry Pershin).
The true faith
An Orthodox priest, a Catholic priest, and a Protestant minister made a bet about whose faith is stronger. To prove it, they had to walk on water. They took a boat to the middle of the lake. The Catholic priest exited the boat, walked on the water, and returned. The Orthodox priest left the boat, walked on the water, and came back. The Protestant minister left the boat, plopped into the water, and drowned! The Catholic priest asked the Orthodox priest:
“Why didn’t you tell him there were rocks hidden below the surface?”
The Orthodox priest replied, “What rocks?”
Why are you so happy?
A girl was walking home from her Sunday school class. She met an atheist along the way.
“How come you’re so happy?” asked the atheist.
“I was at a Sunday school”, she replied.
“Well, and what fables have you been fed today?” the atheist asked spitefully in an attempt to have a dig at the child.
“They told us a story from the Bible about how Prophet Jonah was swallowed by a big fish.”
“How could a fish eat a man and the man survive it?”
The girl thought for a moment and then replied, “I don’t know how it happened, but when I’m in Heaven and see Jonah, I will surely ask him.”
“Well, what if Jonah went to hell?”
“Well, then you can ask him…”
The Theory of Relativity
“Professor, somehow the theory of relativity escapes me.”
“Okay. Tell me, is three hairs a lot?
“No, not a lot.”
“Well, it’s true if they’re on your head, but what if they’re in your soup?”