I am holding both of my babies

Source: OCA Diocese of the West

January 22, 2024

    

Right before Thanksgiving, my husband and I received confirmation that I was carrying a baby with a life-limited diagnosis. This means she will likely pass in utero, during birth, or live for a very short period. I found out after my ultrasound turned up a few indicators and we decided to do genetic testing, of course just to rule out anything like that. At this ultrasound we also learned we were having a daughter and although my husband tried to keep it a secret so we could reveal it with friends during lunch, he referred to “her” in the car and it was a most joyous moment for us. I would have been happy either way, but the idea of having a little sister for our son gave me so much joy.

I was calm during the waiting process because of course I thought everything was fine. When I read the abnormal results on the patient portal, I felt something I never felt before. For a few moments, time seemed to stop and everything around me became slower. I could hear my toddler and husband who were in the same room, but they sounded muffled and far away and slow. I stared at the screen and then said aloud “it’s not good” or something short like that. My husband looked at me. He didn’t even know I was reading the results. I don’t remember what happened after that, but there was much discussion. My nurse advocate (who had been in contact with me since learning of some abnormalities on the ultrasound) and OB were soon in contact and sorry I read it on the patient portal. But my husband and I were glad to have had the time to talk with each other first.

In the aftermath, we told our parents, who all were anticipating a granddaughter. My mother-in-law cried to my husband because she said she already sent a baby girl outfit. I received it a few days later and just calmly folded it back up and put it back in the envelope. When I told my best friend, she burst into tears, and we just sat on the phone crying for several minutes. Everyone was upset. No one knew what to say, although not for lack of trying.

...Read the rest at OCA Diocese of the West.

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1/22/2024

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