On the eve of July 8, the feast of Sts. Peter and Fevronia of Murom, which is also celebrated in Russia as the Day of Family, Love and Fidelity, we asked some Orthodox families of priests and laypeople what family traditions hold their families together and to share recipes for family happiness with readers.
“Traveling and concerts are a good excuse to spend time with your family”
Fr. Alexander and his wife Irina
Archpriest Alexander Balyberdin, dean of the Holy Dormition Cathedral in Kirov:
The main tradition of our family is to spend more time together whenever possible. But sometimes it is difficult to find time for this, because I am a priest and often serve on weekends, and my wife Irina and our daughters have several jobs, so they are very busy on weekdays. And going on holidays together is a great opportunity to spend time with each other: the birthdays of our relatives, friends and children; every year we celebrate the birthday of our family—our wedding anniversary. Such holidays are a great opportunity to say kind words and wishes to each other and exchange presents.
And we also love to travel together. Anapa is our favorite city in the south, where we try to go to the seaside in the summer together. Common trips strengthen our family bonds as well.
Our family also has a common hobby: we all love music, the whole family sings, performs and has its own studio, so we have a good tradition of going to each other’s concerts, sharing the successes and joys of taking part in them. We try to invite our parents and close friends to these events, and they share these good moments with us.
“A family is held together by common tasks”
Archpriest Konstantin Varsegov with his wife Xenia and daughters
Archpriest Konstantin Varsegov, rector of the Church of the Nativity of St. John the Baptist in Kirov (in 2016 he received a presidential award—the Order of Parental Glory):
The main thing that holds a family together is love, raising children, and common tasks. My wife Xenia and I try to organize a free day together once a week and spend time doing something with each other. If each person spends their free time separately, doing something on their own, it does not strengthen your union. Therefore, the more often you are together the better.
We have four daughters. The older ones have Greek names: Sophia, Nika and Kira. They live on their own. The youngest, Barbara, is still with us—she will be thirteen soon. And although our children have already grown up and the two eldest have their own families, we have a tradition of getting together at home for festive dinners on the great feasts, Christmas and Pascha. Our daughters themselves try, as in childhood, to spend these holidays with each other and with us in the family circle.
And the components of family happiness are mutual understanding, trust, caring for each other, and the ability to share and support each other’s interests. You should be able to listen to and hear each other, be thoughtful of each other, be able to talk, help, support, not remain indifferent and not ignore what worries someone in the family. All this is the core of a closely-knit and happy family.
“The main tradition of family happiness is faith in God”
Fr. Eugene and Irina Smirnov with children in the countryside
Archpriest Eugene Smirnov, Head of the Department of Religious Education and Catechism of the Diocese of Vyatka (the priest and his wife Irina have five of their own and three adopted children):
The main tradition of family happiness is faith in God, prayer and participation in the life of our parish, mainly in the services of our church. From an early age we raise our children in the faith. My wife Irina is the choir director, and the children sing with her in the choir. Thus, each of us takes an active part in church services.
The second point is instilling work habits and skills in children, and here parents should set a good example and show respect and love for each other through their relations.
“We meet and see each other off with the whole family”
Priest Alexei Shishkin with his family
Priest Alexei Shishkin, cleric of the Church of the Nativity of the Theotokos in Kirov:
We have the following tradition: whenever one of us goes somewhere, the others see him off together, and when he comes back, the others meet him. As the head of the family and a priest, I bless everyone in my family, and my spouse and children greet one another joyfully and hug each other.
If the children have behaved during the day, I read them a book before going to bed.
As for happiness, it consists of many components, and I cannot single out anything that would define happiness. It is good when all your life is arranged harmoniously, including your health, relations and your common home—a space where you can all live together comfortably. And, of course, you must be able to be a good spouse and a good parent so that your other half and children can be happy. They are unlikely to give me a list of what I am supposed to do for this, but by living and watching I see if those close to me are happy or not, whether I succeed in it or not. This is the indication—an inner feeling of happiness: your own and that of those who live with you.
“The most important thing is spiritual unity”
Priest Mikhail Pentin with his wife Galina
Priest Mikhail Pentin, rector of the Church of the Protection of the Mother of God in the town of Sovetsk (the Kirov region):
I grew up as a middle child in a large family of a priest in the town of Slobodskoy (the Kirov region). My parents have eight children. And when it comes to unity, I believe the most important thing here is spiritual unity. On Sundays everyone in my parents’ family went to church. The children under the age of seven received Communion very often, ideally at every Sunday Liturgy. Our father taught the older children to take Communion in the first and last weeks of each fast, on their birthdays and name days, and we ourselves had to regulate our spiritual life the rest of the time.
Spiritual unity was especially felt during church services. All of us attended church every Sunday, some with our father, the others with our mother. The boys would come earlier, just before the Proskomedia. While our father was preparing for the Liturgy, we helped him in the altar, lighting the censer, lighting icon lamps, cleaning the icons and ringing the bells before the service. And the girls would come with their mother to the beginning of the Liturgy and help her with the younger ones. After the service we would spend the rest of Sunday as a special day. Since there was no chance to buy anything special to eat during the week, our parents would treat all of us to something special on Sunday—fruit, ice-cream or cake so that it could be a common little feast-day for all of us. However, we also took turns doing the housework.
Another important factor in unity was daily household chores. We were all united by farming, gardening and housework. For example, in summer it was haymaking in which everyone in our family participated—including the grown-up siblings who, as students, lived in other cities and towns—and we mowed hay for the next winter all together.
In our school days my siblings and I took turns taking care of the cow, feeding, milking it and clearing up after it and the calves—at times we had up to three cows. Since our father is a priest, from early morning he had a lot of things to do in church, and our mother had to take care of small children and do the cooking at home. The household chores largely fell on the shoulders of the older and middle children. While the others came home and went to bed after the midnight Paschal service, one of us went to see the cow. The same thing happened after celebrating New Year’s Eve—one of us had to keep watch in the farmyard, because you cannot postpone or skip caring for animals.
Our whole family was united by the New Year, which we always celebrated together. All of us—the children, our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles—would get together in the apartment of our maternal grandmother. Up to eighteen people would gather in the two-room apartment.
And in the summer, we tried to walk in the Velikoretsky cross procession together. Going in procession along the route of St. Nicholas’ Icon, at that time we especially learned to help each other and care for each other. My wife Galina, who was also raised in a priest’s family, had a similar tradition—in early June to walk in procession to the Velikaya River together with her parents.
The periods of preparation for the feasts and holidays were important to our unity. At home, we dyed Paschal eggs together, baked kulichi, sang carols and decorated the Christmas tree together. At the parish we prepared together for the great Church festivals and diocesan events, and participated in performances—at one of the rehearsals of which I first met my future wife. She was only fifteen at the time.
There is a tradition in our family: To this day on each of our birthdays, mother decorates the birthday cake with candles, and the birthday boy/girl blows the candles out. When the eldest brother celebrated his twenty-seventh birthday, our mother decorated the cake with so many candles! And he blew them all out!
We were also united by joint pilgrimages to Diveyevo and Murom, organized by the parish. The whole family took part in them. And now that many of the siblings have moved to other cities and towns to study and live independently, nevertheless, on New Year’s Eve and at the time of the Velikoretsky cross procession, we try to get together.
Now I have my own young family, which is only a year old. Galina and I are trying to bring all the good things that we had in our parents’ families to our family.
“I want to set my children an example of education through beauty”
Anna Popova with her husband, Fr. George, and children
Anna Popova, the wife of Priest George, rector of the Church of the Kazan Icon of the Mother of God in the village of Lyangasovo:
We have two growing sons—Nikolai (aged four) and Alexander (aged two). On Sundays and the great feasts we go with them to the church where Father George serves. At home, whenever possible, we all sit down at the table together and read a prayer before eating.
On Sunday afternoons we usually visit our parents’, who live in their own house in the country, to relax, talk and stay closer to nature. When batiushka has no services, we also try to spend time in the countryside, at the riverside, to take walks, visit our relatives or friends, or go somewhere together.
As for childraising, we have adopted our parents’ tradition of reading fairy tales to children before going to sleep. We are collecting a whole home library of books. I really want to set my children an example of education through beauty. I have an education in art, so I try to ensure that my children’s perception of the world is formed through proper and kind images. I select children’s books with good content and good illustrations. The book by the Vyatka author Nadezhda Demidova about St. Nicholas the Wonderworker is one of them. On the eve of the Velikoretsky cross procession celebrations, we read it together with the boys. Our four-year-old Nikolai became interested in it and looked at the illustrations eagerly. My children have questions, and we answer them from the books. So, the children are introduced to the Orthodox faith through books, among other things. I believe that toys and educational games should be aimed at constructive, creative things and goodness, and should be aesthetically beautiful.
At home, I try my best to make decorations relevant to the change of seasons and the great Orthodox feasts, such as Pascha and the Nativity of Christ. I really liked the idea of an art gallery, and we’ve already done it a couple of times. I find a selection of “Spring in paintings by famous artists” on Orthodox websites, print out the paintings and decorate the wall with them. Children show interest in this, so the whole family has an “aesthetic education”. Besides, we have a tradition of creating a an advent calendar before Christmas and Pascha. We listen to theme songs before the major Orthodox feasts—that is, there is an immersion in the festivals. Sometimes we play classical music so that our children can develope musical taste. As a creative person, I want to share this perception of the world with all the family members and instill in my children the good that I came into contact with myself.
“When the children go to bed they ask us to make the sign of the cross over them “
The Grebenev family
Maria Grebeneva, a photographer, the wife of Priest Anthony Grebenev, cleric of the Church of the Icon of the Mother of God of the “Sign” in Kirov, a priest’s daughter:
One of the main traditions in our family is that we spend weekends and feast-days in church. Our children choose clothes to wear in the evening before the feasts, look forward to them and get frustrated if they can’t go to church (for example, when someone falls ill or the weather is foul). Another favorite moment is when the children and I meet batiushka when he comes back from the service. The children are happy and my husband is pleased.
In my parents’ family we used to read books together in the evening—it was imprinted on my memory forever. In my family the children are still small and do not show much interest in books—we tell them fairy tales before they fall asleep. And when they go to bed, they ask us to make the sign of the cross over them. I remember this moment from my childhood—our father always made the sign of the cross over us, even when we were asleep.
We enjoy spending time with the whole family. We try to go out into nature or attend some events. Most importantly, we do it all together. In general, it is very important to do everything together, be it games, outings or trips. This is how the association that a family is one whole is formed in children. But we must also keep in mind that in the family we are first of all a husband and a wife, and only then parents.
Although sometimes children argue, they cannot live without each other. The eldest son worries if he loses sight of the middle daughter, looking for her and asking me. Everyone in our family keeps an eye on the youngest so that she won’t take something into her mouth or get into dangerous places. Children repeat everything after their parents: If I feed the youngest one, then the middle one “feeds” the doll. If I tidy the apartment, the children want to do it too. The most important thing is not to forbid or scold children even if they do more harm than good. They will learn over time—what matters is their desire.
We hardly ever divide up our duties—the one who can do something at a particular moment does it. We try to talk more—it’s very important. And to give attention to each other, not just to children. We are just learning everything, and we have our own experience. Family and love are the daily work of all of us: at some moments it is better to keep quiet, make concessions or say frankly that something makes you feel bad. We will continue to work on this. Happy holiday!
To be continued…
