Day Three. Thirty-Six Kilometers
The Divine Liturgy begins at 4:30 am. We begin our daily walk at 6:30 am. Thirty-six kilometers lie ahead of us today. I am nursing a cold; it was damp and cold in the tent last night. I have no idea how I am going to make the walk today. Later, when the procession is over, this cold will “catch up with me” and I will lie in bed with a fever for several days.
You realize that at home you would have felt sorry for yourself and went to bed long ago, but here, with the kilometers of walking lying ahead of you, you sense with all your heart how much you actually need God
After Communion, I am thinking that our life is akin to a vessel: We either fill it with feelings like, “I can do it myself”, or, “I am able to do everything” and leave no room for God, or we yield to Him, inviting to take part in our life. It is really hard to deliberately minimize your ego, but when you finally comprehend how weak and empty you are, you have nothing left but to run fast to God. If you’ve got a cold, you’re tired, and your feet hurt—you know for sure that at home you would have taken pity on yourself long ago and gone to bed. But here, you have kilometers lying ahead of you, and so you approach the Chalice and feel with all your heart how much you need God. Only through Him is “the order of nature overthrown.”
We leave the church in the fog. It blankets the sun like a rustic lampshade hanging over grandmother’s table. This makes the morning feeling cozy and gentle, adding to our walk an air of ease and joy.
As we are walking, Cossacks on horseback join our procession. They are riding next to us in the fields. When they stop, waiting for us to catch up on top of the hill, it is a sight so beautiful that it is simply impossible not to admire it. When we arrive to our midday rest stop in Zaslavl, they take everyone for a ride.
“Why are you whining? Walk with prayer!”
Throughout the procession, Tatiana conducted our communal prayer waving a twig. She and her friend Evgenia came from the Lelchitsy district, Gomel region. When we stop for a rest, I try to talk to them.
Tatiana: This is my first Cross procession. Our parish priest made an announcement about it and his appeal immediately resonated in my heart. We decided that we should go, and so we are here from day one.
My main goal is prayer. Cross processions give you a chance to come closer to God, to feel Him. I came here because I knew many people were healed here, that miracles have happened. I wanted to be near the shrines and to grow stronger in spirit. And I have no regrets. I met wonderful people here and God gave me everything I wanted, as if He heard every minute thing.
You get to feel a sense of unity in the Cross procession. Everyone is united by prayer and Christ. But you also can’t do without pain and we all gave something to God. For some it is trouble with toenails, for others it is blisters, or nerves. I took Band-Aids with me thinking that I’d get blisters somewhere closer to Minsk, but I was in pain already on the second day.
There was one day when we walked almost forty-two kilometers, and by the end of it I was about to lose patience. Yet, the whole point is that when you are irritated and impatient, you should try to suppress it. You are tired, you have not slept well, your legs hurt, you are barely walking, but you have to force yourself and show love to your neighbor—only then does it become a spiritual podvig.
If we did not have God's help, we would have not made it. God’s power is made perfect in weakness. Once you begin to pray, you forget about your pain.
Evgenia: Taking Communion every day gives you strength. Today our legs were practically flying and we didn't notice how we walked the first eighteen kilometers.
Tatiana: We pray, we invoke the name of God, and Christ and the Mother of God walk ahead of us. They are carrying us.
As we approached the church today, an unusual feeling swept over me, something I can’t explain. Tears… Tears not of sadness, sorrow, pain, or irritation, no, something else… God gives you such moments when you heart overflows with so much joy that the pain in your feet no longer bothers you. You see the icons, those miracle-working icons, and in this intimate closeness with the holy icon your heart cries out.
Evgenia: We got tired, but we also experienced joy, and I felt good. Sure, my legs hurt, but I did not cry from pain, I still wanted to run to church and to get up at three o'clock in the morning.
Tatiana: I personally love to sleep, and getting up early has been a torture for me; back home I sleep until 10 am. But here, you know, I was amazed—the alarm clock is ringing and I am wide-awake right away; I was even feeling that I had enough sleep. Then you stand through a Liturgy, and then you walk all day. I suppose the Lord gives strength.
Evgenia: But neither is it without temptations. On the fourth day, after we had strenuous days of extensive walking, people broke down, both physically and morally—and ten of us left as the result.
Tatiana: I think tomorrow we will cry that the Cross procession is coming to its end. We became very close to people here; they are not simply acquaintances, but truly our brothers and sisters in faith, and it is very hard to lose this heart-to-heart connection. I even think that I am unworthy of walking in this Cross procession. You encounter such amazing people here who fully support each other! I felt this love. This is the Gospel sermon in action...
Evgenia: And you don't want to return to the usual hustle and bustle.
Tatiana: The big world outside even seems foreign already.
Evgenia: Brother-in-faith Ilya told us that after the Cross procession we will be living for three days as if in a cocoon—this is how the grace works.
You won’t know what it’s like until you try it yourself
Tatiana: But until you try it, you won't know what it’s like. In order for you to understand and to feel grace, you have to walk it, so much so that your feet are bleeding, and you feel worn out.
Evgenia: When it became really hard (walking on gravel, your shoes full of stones), I immediately thought about Christ Who was led to Calvary. And so I said to myself: “Why are you whining? Pebbles, blisters —just walk and pray!”
Final kilometers
Throughout the procession, brothers and sisters carried holy objects—icons and reliquaries. Four people have to hold them by special handles. A great many people want to participate in this, it is believed that you receive more grace by doing this. At church, before the walk, Father Nikolai (Savostyanov) tells the women surrounding him:
“We are walking the last kilometers. No arguing today! Because a woman came up to me and said that she was pushed away from the icons, as if saying to her: “You are unworthy to carry this!” How dare you say such a thing about someone else? We should think that it is me, I am the most unworthy of all! So, if you said something offensive to someone—don’t you dare touch the shrine until you embrace one another, ask forgiveness, and give each other a kiss!”
Today we have to walk a lot and people are having a hard time. As the result of a long walk on the hot asphalt, it feels like the soles of your sneakers literally wear off. You are walking because you can't stop. You simply ignore the pain in your feet and take another step, and then another, and another. To walk even when it hurts is a good skill for our life. And the Cross procession is a great teaching tool not only for our body, but also to the soul.
As we are walking through Zhdanovichi and meet the locals, one of the sisters-in-faith reminds us, “Let’s smile and wave!” Despite the fact that everyone, of course, can hardly move their feet.
But when we reached the church in Zhdanovichi and settled on our mats, one of our fellow pilgrims next to me removed the shoes off the feet of his sister-in-faith, took her weary feet in his hands, and, exhibiting extra care, treated the blisters with brilliant green. I remembered how Christ washed the feet of His disciples. This is probably the meaning of the procession—to put the tired, weary feet of your neighbor on your lap.
Finish. Minsk
Today is the commemoration day of the Minsk Icon of the Mother of God and the final leg of the journey. Prayer service and departure at 6:30 am. Five kilometers to the Protection Church in Minsk and five more across the city. We all walk on an empty stomach so that we can receive communion. We were asked to wear the most festive clothes we have with us. Many of us are wearing special T-shirts with “All-Belarusian procession” inscribed on them. The big city is getting closer, with its hustle and bustle, and so we feel sadness that everything is about to end.
We walk slowly through Minsk and it is already impossible to find the people we’ve been walking with side-by-side all these days. It seems that there are already thousands of people walking.
The bells of the Holy Spirit Cathedral are ringing already. Anna, from my town, who woke up each day with the intent of dropping out and leaving, heard this ringing of bells, cried, and said: “I made it!”
Most of the participants are people over sixty. When you see an elderly lady walking with a bag in her hand instead of a comfortable backpack, wearing the wrong kind of shoes, yet praying, you realize that Christ walks with her.
When you see an elderly lady walking with a bag in her hand and wearing the wrong kind of shoes but praying, you realize that Christ walks with her
In the village of Molchad, the procession was greeted by Edik, a toothless and sickly fellow, but happy as a child. He is the village’s shepherd and that's how he sustains himself. He suddenly decided to follow everyone. He was given shoes and clothes. He was taken to church for confession for the first time. He was asked:
“Do you believe in God?”
“I do!”
“Do you believe in Christ?”
“I believe in Christ, the Mother of God, and the saints!”
“Then let’s go have confession.”
“I was so scared, so scared,” he said, ”but then everything was so bright!”
When you see this, you realize that Christ is with Edik as well.
Throughout these days, I caught myself thinking that I should have walked it from beginning to end. It was as if I lost the fullness of all that joy. But I realize that I need to trust God and everything happened as it should have happened.
When a huge crowd of people joins us in Minsk, I remember the Paschal Catechetical Homily of St. John Chrysostom:
“If any have tarried even until the eleventh hour, let him, also, be not alarmed at his tardiness; for the Lord, who is jealous of his honor, will accept the last even as the first; He gives rest unto him who comes at the eleventh hour, even as unto him who has wrought from the first hour.”
God has His logic. Everyone gets to experience joy and it doesn’t depend on how many kilometers you have walked or how many blisters you have. Everyone enjoys a common meal and the Lord rejoices in the last as well as in the first. This is how a father rejoices when he gathers his children for a feast. And the major gift for him is that everyone has come. Some arrive in advance to help to set the table; others arrive right before the beginning of the feast, yet some others come from far away only for the cake and tea. But the priests comes out to greet everyone personally. He hugs, kisses and seats everyone at the table.
After the festive Divine Liturgy and Communion, I think that I would really want it that we experience joy effortlessly. So that my body never aches or I never want to eat and drink. But for some reason, you only feel God if you take a risk and unplug yourself from what is familiar and well-known, place your hand in His and put your trust in the way.
And then, at a certain moment, you cry, overwhelmed by the words, “I came!”
I came to You.
