Someone had said something insulting to you on the city bus, your boss did not appreciate your efforts, and your family hasn’t given you the attention you deserve… During the day we have many reasons for getting offended, but a Christian should not allow evil into his heart, and still less should he make plans to take revenge on anyone who offends him. But how can we do it? How can we learn this? These questions were discussed at a pastoral meeting organized by Hieromonk Philaret (Trunin) from Moscow’s Sretensky Monastery.
Hieromonk Philaret (Trunin)
—How can I pray for someone through whom a doctor has done me harm?
—Prayer is a universal means that reconciles, calms, gives you benefits and a positive mood. The very first remedy before the ambulance’s arrival is prayer. Or, before youths start a fight, let them remember at least some brief prayer, and perhaps their problem will be resolved. As for evil, it has always existed and will always exist in this world, whether through a doctor, a friend, or a stranger. But we must try to take it more calmly.
—How can I get out of a state of delusion resulting from my acceptance of vain thoughts?
—Through work. Maybe you should get a job. It seems to me that a state of delusion often appears because of pathological idleness: “I lie and think all the time.”
—How can I forgive my parents? They’re old now. Since childhood, since the 1990s, I have known them as disagreeable people. At the first opportunity I moved out of their house and to this day I have not patched up relations with them.
—Try to understand that these are two special people, who gave you life. Whether good or bad, whatever they may be, they are still our parents. We are obliged to pray for them simply because we were born. We pray and set our lives straight, and I see no point in turning back. After all, I’m sure that your life wasn’t all bad; it is not a black spot—you must have had something good, as well. I wish you to reconsider your attitude to life, and to your parents in particular.
—If every saint is a person, can one take offense and not help me, and then forgive me?
—I think the saints are above that. They have already risen several steps higher than our human contradictions—getting offended or not getting offended.
—And if we sin?
—We always sin. Now we’ll sit for a while and go sin again. It is necessary to pray and try to get away from sin. But saints certainly cannot get offended.
—If hatred and vindictiveness appear when sorrows come, is it indicative of my pride?
—Alas, when we are insulted, practically all of us have a desire for revenge. I usually say that you worry for fifteen minutes and then you start to calm down. Let God be the Avenger for us. A man, as a rule, will both stand up for himself and protect a woman. So let a woman either rely on her husband (that’s what you should get married for) or ask God for revenge.
—And how should we do it? Ask God?
—In prayer: “Lord, that’s all, I have no strength! Be my Intercessor.” That is, stick up for me. It’s very simple. And it would be good to get married.
—How can I get rid of resentment so that it does not come back after repentance?
—We must forgive our neighbors from the bottom of our hearts and not bear them a grudge. It often happens that we forgive only in word, and so resentment returns. Perhaps the hardest thing in life is to forgive an insult. But we must do it—we have such a commandment. God has commanded us to forgive. He forgave Himself and told us to follow His example.
—How can we forgive our enemies in war?
—We must forgive our personal enemies. As for the enemies of our Fatherland, we fight them; either they defeat us or we defeat them.
—How am I supposed to pray on my birthday?
—Especially fervently. Of course, it is advisable to go to church and take Communion on this day. But if you don’t have a chance to go to church, you should pray for your parents anyway: if they are alive, pray for their health; and if they have already departed to God, pray for their repose and rejoice in the fact that you came into this world on this day.
—Is friendship like sacrificial love?
—Definitely. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Trouble usually divides people into true and false friends. It’s deplorable, it’s a shame, but female friendship often breaks up because of trifles. Two ladies can stay friends for twenty years and then quarrel forever over nothing. It is important to avoid such sudden leaps.
—How do I pray for the boss who has fired me? He has a red string on his arm.
—Even if he has a red string on his leg, it makes no sense! You have to endure an unpleasant situation. As a rule, superiors dismiss those who are a weak link, who come to work late, and who are not professionals. The task of an employee is to hold down his job thanks to his professionalism and the desire to work. And I see that modern young people have little motivation when they get a job. They think they have come to a holiday home, where everyone is supposed shower them with benefits and indulge their every whim. But salaries are usually low at first. In my time I started working with representatives of the older generation; they taught us, helped us, and lent us their shoulder. I’m afraid that I don’t see these traits in the younger generation yet, except for the desire to be a burden to someone else. Their parents have gotten them used to living at their expense... Athough I hope I am wrong.
—We are growing smaller and becoming petty. In your personal opinion, will the Russian people eventually die out and will Orthodoxy disappear here?
—The Russians will not die out as long as our mothers are alive. The more children you have, the more chances you have to preserve both Russia and Orthodoxy. I am for the young—they will inherit the earth, and their children will be our successors. It will be better if your people come to succeed us than foreigners. It is certain that our land will not become deserted. There is an old axiom that woman shall be saved in childbearing (1 Tim. 2:15). Whether it’s a time of war or peace, famine or prosperity, the first way to woman’s salvation, if she wants to be saved, is to have children. And then she will be saved.
—But the Apostle Paul adds: if they continue in faith.
—In order to remain faithful, you first need to become a mother. Our “important religious teachers” have no families. They “know everything”, they “can do everything”, and they are ready teach everyone! But first you need to find your beloved husband. Try to explain to him that there is no one else in the world except him, and build a good and closely-knit family. And then that special one is sure to remain in the faith. With a good wife a husband is always good. I am now addressing the fairer sex: Work your salvation.
—What should I do if I don’t have time to read the entire prayer rule?
—If it is hard for you to perform the whole prayer rule, if you are busy with your work, then choose at least one prayer and read it. Let it be “Our Father”, for example. St. Seraphim of Sarov taught illiterate peasants who knew nothing (since illiteracy was widespread back then) the following rule: Read the Lord’s Prayer three times, then “O Theotokos and Virgin, rejoice…” three times and the Creed once. And that was enough. You can choose from the morning and evening prayers what is closest to your heart, and decide your own rule.
