Fr. Andrew Lemeshonok
At a meeting of the sisterhood of St. Elisabeth Convent in Minsk, the nuns shared their experiences about how to maintain trust in your spiritual father.
Fr. Andrew Lemeshonok: Well, are we going to tune our tuning fork higher? Or are we just going to crawl along the ground? The holy Church is always trying to raise us up: “Get up! Why are you lying down; why are you whining?! Why do you feel sorry for yourself?” And according to the Apostle Paul, there are two people living within us: On the one hand, you no longer have the strength to fight for your life, and on the other hand, you have to rise above yourself and above all your problems, which are temporary and not worth complaining and despairing about today. Everything hurts, but I say: “Glory to God! I have legs, I have arms, and even a head on my shoulders.”
Some nuns have been living in the monastery for decades, but it’s impossible to tear them away from this earthly life. A Christian should be like a bird, but he scurries around below. We’ve already lived all the most important things in our lives: Christ on the Cross—this is the greatest tragedy that has occurred in the world, and at the same time the most important moment for our future lives.
You and I won’t help anyone—Christ helps everyone: He came to save sinners. We can’t do anything good on our own! That’s why in a sisterhood, in a monastery, everyone must live in obedience to the holy Church.
The most important thing on this earth is for a man to find Christ and remain with Him in eternity. With such a task, our life’s range significantly narrows; we don’t spread ourselves thin over trifles. Personally, today I think: If only I can live to see Christmas. And right now it’s very difficult. Flesh and blood don’t inherit the Kingdom of God (cf. 1 Cor. 15:50). Break away from your flesh and blood! We can live in Paradise already in the Spirit, but we don’t live like that because we still need to gossip, condemn someone, feel sorry for ourselves. But why feel sorry for yourself? You’re carrying your cross! You can refuse, of course, but then what will you carry?
In Orthodoxy, everything is simple and clear: If you don’t convert and become like children, you won’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven… Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven (Mt. 18:4); learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls (Mt. 11:29). But unfortunately, we have no meekness, humility, or obedience, but we still want to rest on our laurels. Ask yourself: What useful thing did you do today? Who did you help today? Who did you support? Who did you say a kind word to?
The Church, monastery, and sisterhood—they’re not an earthly organization, but a Heavenly one. But we’re all very earthly, so it’s hard for us to break away from our “I,” from our everyday problems. However, together with the Church, we’re living through events that surpass all our personal difficulties. And when we live the Church life, I think our earthly problems will be resolved correctly.
Now let’s answer the submitted question together: “One of the enemy’s tricks is to undermine a man’s trust in his spiritual father. Please share your experience about how to overcome such a state.”
Mother Maria (Yakovleva)
Mother Maria (Yakovleva): There are simple and humble souls who never lose sight of their main purpose. Perhaps such a temptation doesn’t touch them. But people like me, proud and mistrustful, are quite easily led astray. So I’m not the kind of person who can share experience in this matter, but I can tell you about one thing that might help someone.
One time I got very offended by Batiushka, and by the whole world, basically. So I went up to the icon of St. Nicholas and simply implored him: “St. Nicholas, help me not to be offended, to see my sin, to accept what was said to me.” I asked very sincerely, and the darkness lifted, but literally for five minutes. But when this gloomy state came over me again, I again turned to St. Nicholas. That was my experience, and St. Nicholas helped. So childish!… [laughs].
Fr. Andrew: It wasn’t childish—you did the right thing.
Mother Maria: A reasonable, mature, well-adjusted person who’s more spiritually grounded simply wouldn’t allow himself to reach such a state. But we fall...
Fr. Andrew: Okay, but you didn’t just lie down—you went to St. Nicholas for help. This is very good advice.
Mother Martha (Matveeva)
Mother Martha (Matveeva): I think we have to try to see the providence of God in every situation. Batiushka is also a man and can make human mistakes. But the Lord always controls everything, and we have to orient ourselves precisely on God. Plus, over the years, I suppose a sense of self-preservation has developed: If you stop trusting, then everything can fall apart. Life goes on, and all kinds of things happen, just like in a family. Therefore, it’s better not to make quick, momentary conclusions, but to wait out a difficult period, pray, and try to see God’s action in everything that happens.
Fr. Andrew: I’ve also had difficult moments—not a loss of trust, but a kind of misunderstanding. I went to see Fr. Nikola Guryanov in a good mood, but I left to go home in a terrible mood. I was driving and thinking: “What did I even come for?” But this is all a very human thing. Now I understand why…
Mother Anfisa (Ostapchuk)
Mother Anfisa (Ostapchuk): Despite how we live, spiritual laws operate independently of us. The traditional structure of the Church is that we must obey. The main law in our relationship to God and the priest is sobriety, obedience, and seeking God’s will. Anything can happen along the way, and taking offense can always happen: You’re ready to be offended s soon as someone gives you a reason. The enemy will always attack and set us against our priest, and our predisposition to take offense is always at the ready.
Have I taken offense at Batiushka? Yes, “But so what?” you think. Of course, it’s human to take offense sometimes, but you just live through the moment—you can’t stay in that state forever; that wouldn’t be right.
Fr. Andrew: And there’s also the Liturgy. To commune, we have to have a peaceful disposition in our hearts towards all people. I think this is the most important condition for approaching the chalice. If you harbor ill will towards someone, how can you receive the Body of Christ, Who shed His Blood for this person? This question should put everything in place. What do my relationships and grievances matter here? Here’s a man whom I don’t like, whom I’m offended by, and that’s it: You can’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven anymore.
When I was working in the cathedral, I got offended by the rector, and I went to Confession with a priest who also had a grudge against the rector. And when I talked about my judgment of the rector, this priest, instead of knocking some sense into me, sympathetically said: “Yes, yes, hang in there, brother.” And so I supposedly confessed… Do you see the cunning here? This kind of Confession is of no use to us—it’s actually quite harmful.
Mother Lyubov (Nikolaeva)
Mother Lyubov (Nikolaeva): I’ll tell you about two instances. The first happened when I was still in Moscow, at Holy Protection Monastery. Someone told the abbess something about me that simply wasn’t true. She got very angry; she didn’t investigate the matter, but had my monastic garb taken from me (I was a riassaphore nun at the time). I burst into tears and went to an icon of St. Seraphim. I was standing there crying, and at that moment the abbess happened to walk by. About five or ten minutes passed, and she called me to her: “So what were you complaining to St. Seraphim about? Let’s talk.” We talked, and I was given the habit back.
The second case happened in Kostroma with Fr. Andrei Logvinov. I don’t even remember exactly what happened, but again I went to St. Seraphim: “Batiushka Seraphim, for some reason I have this thought…” I began asking him to pray for me. The next day, I met with Fr. Andrei, and he ran up to me with such joy: “Mother, can you imagine, I was awarded the Order of St. Seraphim yesterday!” It gave me a good laugh… Of course, I immediately realized that it was my sin, my lack of trust.
In general, the question of trust, not just in a spiritual father, but also in God, is very important for me now. I find my support in two things: knowing God’s will for me and faithfulness. I think these things can really hold you steady.
Fr. Andrew: I think the question of trusting your spiritual father is actually based on trusting God.
Mother Taisia (Yakovleva)
Mother Taisia (Yakovleva): I have a few examples about trusting your spiritual father. Batiushka and I were discussing a particular situation in Confession not too long ago, and he immediately said to me: “You’re to blame for what happened with your sister. Tomorrow, go see her, ask her forgiveness, and the situation will be resolved.” Unfortunately, I could only see it my way, but for the sake of obeying Batiushka, I did as he said. Before Communion, I went to my sister, and although I didn’t sincerely think I was guilty then, I apologized. And I immediately felt such inner joy! All because I believe the word of my spiritual father. It seems like such a small thing—you go up, you say a few words, and the Lord gives you joy and relief. And afterward, I clearly understood where I had been wrong.
Fr. Andrew: You broke through your pride, which means you drove out the enemy.
Mother Taisia: But it was based on trust in you, because your words were above my guesses and opinion in this case. But it depends on my inner state, on trust in God and my inner connection with Him. If I had been in a state of inner fragmentation, of lost connection with God, I surely wouldn’t have heard you at all. And of course, speaking of trusting your spiritual father, I can’t help but talk about how I left the monastery fifteen years ago. At that time, I was under the enemy’s blockade, and I couldn’t hear what Fr. Andrew had to say.
Later, when I wanted to return, the enemy wouldn’t even let me talk to Batiushka. I wasn’t able to see him for more than five months. Then finally I made it to a service in the Church of the Reigning Icon. And just imagine how the enemy clearly plays on human anxiety and weakness! When I went up to kiss the cross, someone got Father’s attention, but I decided that he was turning away from me personally... I spent all evening crying.
But then a miracle of God happened: A month later I arrived at the monastery and met Mother Evpraxia. And she suddenly said to me: “Sister Evgenia, At the monastic meeting, Batiushka said that you came and you live with God.” This is how God works in amazing ways: Through Mother Evpraxia, the Lord told me that I had deceived myself. This was an inner turning point for me. I realized that the enemy would never let me come see you under any circumstances, which meant I needed to fight. So I first came to the talks, then for Confession. And gradually, I received a blessing to return to the monastery.
I became convinced through my own experience of how a spiritual father’s prayer and word work. If there is God’s blessing, the enemy will never overcome this blessing.
