This down-to-earth account was sent to OrthoChristian.com from a struggler, who came to the faith through the prayers of Fr. Seraphim (Rose)
I lived my entire existence in Evangelical Christianity in a silent, desperate fight against mental illness with my PTSD and severe drug and alcohol addiction. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I could not break free and lived in shame, depression, cyclic imploding, and the destruction of my life creating destabilization for my family every couple of years. When I was finally broken enough to listen, Fr. Seraphim gently led me through his writings into the Church. I was baptized in 2016.
However, I struggled in the wilderness for many years without a spiritual father or a priest to catechize me. I didn’t know how to even start in the Orthodox faith. I just knew that it was the true faith. A priest baptized me with a sponsor who never talked to me again, and then the priest just sent me out to do spiritual warfare on my own.
Many years of isolated struggling continued.
I finally got sick of waiting for a spiritual father or priestly direction and went to books for instruction on how to be Orthodox. Then Covid made things even worse, but it also opened up some avenues where I saw some real dedicated priests and began to get some indirect instruction on how to live the Orthodox life. Even though there were things being healed in my life, I was still struggling immensely and just wanted help.
I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul (Ps. 141:5).
So in February of 2022, I drove to Platina to venerate the relics of Fr. Seraphim.
I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t even really believe in veneration of relics because, like the rest of my Orthodoxy, I didn’t even know where to start in beginning to understand this practice and it kind of freaked me out. However, I was struggling and desperate, and took to heart what Fr Seraphim taught about taking all of Orthodoxy or none of it. I determined I would start the practice of veneration by venerating him for bringing me into the Church in the first place.
Days later, I’m sitting at his coffin just praying, asking for guidance, pleading for help, questioning him why he helped lead me into the Church and then I was just left to struggle, when all of a sudden one of the dogs that were at the monastery at that time walked up on the platform and started gagging like he was going to throw up. Then he threw up a big pile of nasty mess, I don’t even know what it was.
I was thinking, “Oh no dog, don’t throw up on Fr. Seraphim‘s memorial and relics.” The dog looked at me—and you know what dogs do with their vomit. Even the Bible talks about it. Well, instead of returning to his vomit, he walked over to some oil that had spilled out of the oil lamp, and he began to lick the holy oil from Fr. Seraphim‘s relics’ oil lamp.
At that moment, my spirit was struck with illuminating and profound grace, and I realized that it was me. I felt like he was telling me from that moment forward, when, like a dog, I would go back to my sin of addiction, instead of eating my vomit, returning to sin and a broken and wretched life, I would turn and consume holy oil and be healed. He basically said “Keep going to holy things.”
That grace struck me, and peace came to my soul. I sat there and just wept and thanked him. I cannot explain it any deeper. He helped open my nous a little more.
I thanked Fr. Seraphim, because I knew my answer was to continue to throw myself where the holy oil could saturate my bones and heal my broken heart and mind. My life began to heal and flourish soon after. Never give up, Christians.
Fr. Seraphim, pray for me, a sinner.
A Photo I took of his resting place right before it happened:
