Elder Paisios the Hagiorite said that in our times God calls people through “personal messages”. I want to share two such wonderful stories. Both occurred to people who do not belong to traditionally Orthodox nations.
Bjorn Grenvold: “The strongest love I can feel is nothing compared to God’s love for me”
Our acquaintance
Bjorn’s Baptism Bjorn Grenvold, fifty-six, is a Norwegian, an engineer and works in the oil industry. In Holy Baptism he received the apostolic name Paul.
It took me a while to make up my mind to write Bjorn-Paul’s story. It’s always hard to write about such things, and when you just retell what didn’t happen to you, it’s especially difficult. The realm of the spirit is intimate: the depths of the human soul and secret movements of the will are fully known to God alone. However, my long-time friend (and now, a co-religionist) Paul not only does not object to my telling about him to my compatriots, but on the contrary, he wants as many people as possible to know his story.
To begin with, a few words about our acquaintance. It was in 2014. Ukraine, The Euromaidan… Having gotten involved in absolutely meaningless arguments with Ukrainian nationalists on Facebook, I gradually met like-minded people. One of them was Victoria from Rostov-on-the-Don. We got to know each other better, and I learned that she was married to a Norwegian. We began to correspond, and one day Victoria told me that in the spring of 2015 she and her husband Bjorn would be in St. Petersburg and would love to meet me in person. Which is exactly what happened. Our meeting was very cordial. A descendant of the Vikings saw in me—a fellow fisherman—a kindred spirit and immediately invited me to Norway. So in the autumn of the same year I ended up surrounded by the breathtaking scenery of Southern Norway. And the next summer I visited my Norwegian friends and their wonderful land for the second time.
Bjorn Grenvold on a fishing trip. Photo by the author
It should be noted that my new friends did not show any signs of their religious faith when we met—neither he nor she. But in Bjorn I immediately saw a kind, open and generous person. I remember writing to Victoria after my first trip: “We’ll make your husband an Orthodox Christian—you’ll see it for yourself.” I wrote it as if in jest, because we can’t force another person. But in the end it was not me, not us, and not any human beings, but God Himself Who converted him and brought him into the bosom of His Church!
Southern Norway. Photo by the author
Bjorn’s story in the first person
And now we’ll let Bjorn talk about himself. At my request he has written down his own story:
At the time when this life-changing event happened to me, I was struggling with excruciating pain: during the fifth spinal surgery something went wrong, and the main nerve of my left leg was permanently damaged. At that time I was not religious, although I was a nominal member of the Church of Norway, which meant that I was a Protestant.
But every time the pain recurred, I didn’t think about who I was. I was just screaming, “Lord, why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve it? Yes, maybe I’m a sinner. Who is not a sinner? But I didn’t kill anyone. There are countless people who are much worse than me, but for some reason You allowed them to live without this terrible suffering! What have I done to deserve Your wrath? Please answer me!” Surrounded by the darkness of despair and tormented by all-encompassing pain, I repeated these questions over and over again, but I heard no answer. The suffering was not only physical, but also moral. I felt desperately lonely.
Those who have never experienced such things do not know what it is like. You may consider yourself physically and mentally strong, but it nevertheless makes no sense. Whatever you are, the pain will eventually bring you to your knees. It will remove all the layers of your defenses and expose your inner self. You feel like a crushed, defenseless and pathetic creature. What do you do then?
Bjorn after the sacrament of Baptism There were moments when nothing but pain existed for me, and I thought about giving up—just take too many pills and stop breathing. But I didn’t do it; something kept me from this. I don’t know what it was, whether love for my family, for my close ones, or maybe hope for a future operation that would cure me… Or I gradually began to believe that our Savior would save me.
One summer evening I was sitting, or rather lying, in my rocking chair and watching TV. Suddenly I sensed someone’s presence. I had a feeling that someone was standing right behind me and slightly to the left. Before I could turn around, a “spear” went into my back and into my heart. The “spear” was ablaze with Divine love; it was infinitely higher, broader and deeper than any love that we humans can feel. The strongest love I can feel for my close ones, my wife and children, is nothing compared to God’s love for me, His creation. Divine love is light, a light that dispels all darkness without leaving the slightest shadow. Divine love makes all people equal. And we will all share in this love when the life we live now, earthly and temporary, ends.
Then the “spear” was removed, and this clear feeling of Divine love faded away. Everything happened in two or three seconds. I was still sitting in my rocking chair… And I started asking the Lord another question—not “Why am I suffering so much?” but “Why, for what merits have I, a sinful and non-religious man, been vouchsafed a revelation of Love?”
After that I could no longer stay in the Protestant Church; I felt that I needed something else. Thus, I started getting closer to Orthodoxy.
During my first meeting with Archimandrite Clement (Huhtamäki), rector of the Orthodox parish of St. Olga Equal-to-the-Apostles in Oslo, I found the courage to tell him about my experience. After thinking for a while, Fr. Clement replied, “I am glad you have been shown our Father’s love for us, His children. You needed love, and your prayers were answered.” Perhaps this is not an accurate quote. It is hard for me to remember everything that he said during our long talk; after all, I came to an Orthodox pastor in a state of “dying”, seeking salvation.
But now that I have joined the Orthodox Church my heart is at peace. I’m not afraid to die. Although I’m afraid to live with severe pain, because I know all too well what it is like. But I also know something else: the healing love of God.
***
Readers probably expect that after this event Bjorn-Pavel stopped feeling the excruciating pain and was healed. No, it’s not true! The Lord ordained something else: to guide him on the thorny, complicated path of suffering. There were many more amazing events in Paul’s life, and he shared them with me. True, his story may confuse someone who is too “vigilant”: “Is this Norwegian convert in delusion?” But I don’t think so: the very spirit of Paul’s narrative is different. Besides, he doesn’t rely on his experience alone: he constantly asks for the priest’s advice.
From Paul’s social media posts
I’m having problems with the very concept of “faith”. I don’t “believe” that the Holy Trinity exists, but I know it.
I am not writing all this because I don’t want to look unhappy in your eyes, but for you, my beloved brothers and sisters, to abandon all doubt and denial—if these still nest in your hearts—and return to our Heavenly Father. He loves each one of you and wants to celebrate everyone’s return.
It’s not money, success, comfort, or power that makes you happy. What your restless heart is longing for is His Love, His Forgiveness, and Eternal Life.
I am the greatest sinner, but I receive forgiveness. Every day I try my best to improve, but I stumble and fall. And every time Jesus Christ reaches out His hand to me, helping me rise and walk on. Unfortunately, I have to live the rest of my life with severe pain. And I’m learning how to do it. Perhaps slowly, but I’m learning patience, humility, and hope. There are far fewer easy days in my life than there are hard ones. The sadness of another life left behind haunts me, and it’s tough. But I know that Christ is with me, He is on my side.
***
I was not looking for signs of the existence of Jesus Christ; I desperately wanted Him to help me. Prayer was my last resort, and it was justified—the Lord rescued me. Please believe me when I tell those of you who are not strong in your faith: God is as real as you and me! And if you pray with all your hearts to Jesus Christ, you will get an answer. You may not get the answer you expect, but you will certainly not remain without an answer.
Yes, it can be like this: you will pray for your loved one with cancer, but he won’t be cured, or you will pray for the preservation of your family, but your husband or wife will abandon you. Life here on earth is filled with pain and suffering. But if you give yourself up wholly to Jesus Christ, your life will never be the same. I promise you this because I have firsthand knowledge of this.
I pray and read the Holy Scriptures. Have I stopped sinning? No, I haven’t. And I may not stop for the rest of my life. But until the end of my life I will try to change, asking for His help in this.
***
A Buddhist at St. Sergius’ shrine
Epiphanius on Mt. Athos. Photo by the author And now the second miracle of conversion to Christ and His Church.
In November 2018 I met a sixty-year-old Basque (from Spain) at Gregoriou Monastery on Mt. Athos. I saw him before the meal on the feast of St. Anastasia of Rome. He attracted my attention with his pure and kind face. I started talking to him—that’s very easy to do on Mt. Athos. It turned out that two months before our meeting, my new acquaintance had been baptized at the same monastery in the waters of the Aegean Sea with the name Epiphanius. As he said of himself: “I am fresh!”
The story of this Basque is as follows. He was an “advanced” Buddhist. He traveled to Tibet and even wrote books on Buddhism. He also visited Russia, where he spent a long time in the Buryat Republic.1 At the same time, he decided to familiarize himself with the Philokalia to broaden his horizons. He also visited Moscow, then the Holy Trinity-St. Sergius Lavra, since he had heard about St. Sergius. He saw a queue in front of the shrine with the relics, and he joined it. He saw everyone else venerate the relics, and venerated them himself…
And next... He sensed as if some invisible force had passed through him like fire. He felt it physically! And also a “blow” to his head… I’m not going to speculate now (I don’t remember the details). I’ll just say that it was the beginning of his joining the Church.
When he came back to Spain, he found a Russian Orthodox priest there. Then he communicated with Orthodox Christians in Europe. Finally, he heard about Mt. Athos and Gregoriou Monastery, known for its missionary spirit, and went there. And as I said, he was baptized there. He chose the name “Epiphanius” in honor of his pious grandfather, who was a Roman Catholic and died while praying.
Gregoriou Monastery. Photo by the author
***
Each of these two miracles of conversion means no less to me than it does to Paul and Epiphanius. I think it’s not just for me... We all suffer crises, and we all have moments when our faith weakens, and in these moments, such experience is especially important to us—an experience that testifies to the fact that the Lord is alive and always near. And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world (Mt. 28:20).
