Elder Aimilianos Part 1
Two years ago, within three or so months, I came very close to dying three times. It made me realize that by now I should have been dead, and that God’s Mercy has kept me alive only to pass on to everyone around me what I personally received from my Elder, from my spiritual father…After my Elder, my spiritual father, Geronda Aimilianos of Simonopetra, I owe everything I am, all the pages which follow, to my spiritual children…It is easier for anyone to call me a Buddhist, than to claim I didn’t love my Elder.1
When faced with not finding what he was looking for at the time he was looking for it, Elder Aimilianos came to the realization that if we have no one to teach us, then the wisdom of the Church Fathers, as conveyed through their writings, can lead us to a comfortable spiritual state and guide us in times and places where we find ourselves surrounded by darkness. Our spiritual books serve as precious guides.2
Although [Elder Aimilianos] is not canonized a saint by the Church yet, we had a tradition on Mount Athos: Before we started any activity or work, we would say: “Through the prayers of my Holy Father.” I still do this myself. I wouldn’t do anything I want to be blessed by God without saying: “Through the prayers of my holy father.” I believe that where he is now, he can help me even more than he did before. That’s why I keep doing what I’m doing.3
The more profound the love, the deeper the connection. The deeper the connection, the greater the absorption. The greater the absorption, the higher the knowledge. The higher the knowledge, the broader the understanding. The broader the understanding, the clearer we can talk about something.4
I loved my Elder so much that I had to become like him, at least spiritually; otherwise it would have felt like I failed his love; I betrayed his love. Twenty years later, then known as Evagrios and serving as an Abbot in Australia, I unexpectedly received the call to become a Bishop. Without being asked, I was bestowed the name of my beloved Elder: ‘Aimilianos.’5
On success, failure, and cares
In Elder Aimilianos’s book, Discourse on Vigilance, there is an example given of a man facing a huge crisis—he is kicked out of his monastery, has cancer, is unbelievably distressed, and does not know what to do. He goes to his Elder who simply tells him, ‘Why do you worry? God loves you and that’s what matters. These are not merely words; it’s the truth. Even if you die now, because God loves you, you will be with Him—that’s eternity, that’s everything! Why would you worry about anything else?’ This man leaves the conversation with his elder happy. Why is he happy? Nothing has changed, he has still been kicked out of his monastery, he still has cancer, he’s not cured. It’s because the way he sees things now is different. He has discovered a source of happiness, when only moments before, he was full of anxiety. It’s all in the way we think. That is why St. Paisios always talks about the bee and the fly.6
I should avoid having personal agendas, thinking, like Herod, that this is the way I will succeed in life, believing that I should take someone else’s spot or promotion in an office, in someone else’s heart, or even someone else’s seat or position in the Church to be complete, happier, or less stressed myself. I won’t be complete. I will convince myself that I am, but I won’t find inner peace. I can never be complete with material things. Trying to feed my soul the wrong kind of food will make me starve even more. You cannot feed your soul material qualities. Selfish personal agendas and their achievements make our spiritual sight extremely blurry.7
“When Elder Aimilianos was in Meteora, where he established the brotherhood and sisterhood, he often traveled to the nearby city of Kalambaka for pastoral work, preaching and confessions. After spending the day doing these tasks, he would return to the Monastery in the evening. He would say that once he passed through the Monastery gate and closed it behind him, he left all of the day’s events outside the Monastery’s walls and walked in free. This is a practice for all of us, whether we are monastics or laypeople. It benefits everyone.8
On the Will of God
Elder Aimilianos once said that the Holy Gospel of the day gives us the content with which to make our decisions. He encouraged the clergy to read the Holy Gospel carefully before reading it to the faithful during the Divine Liturgy. He urged them not merely to read but to delve into the Holy Gospel, allowing it to speak to them. Otherwise, Christ wouldn’t have spoken to them through the Holy Gospel in the Divine Liturgy. This is what I understood from my Elders’ teachings. Looking into the Holy Gospel allows you to see—to literally see—reality. It is similar to gazing into a calm lake, seeing your reflection and your surroundings on the surface, and by adjusting your vision, also seeing into the lake’s depths. All this just by looking at the same spot, focusing on the same verse—the same passage.9
It’s like Jesus said to the Apostle Peter: “Do you want to walk on the waves? Focus on Me and you will do it. That’s it, nothing else, just focus on Me. This one thing is enough to get you from this life to the next, you don’t need anything else.” This is vigilance, this is the one thing. It will reveal what God wants from you, what God’s Will is for your life.
“‘God’s Will is not an obstacle; it’s simple and it’s not even heavy, it’s tailored according to our measure. God is not someone who will punish or make our lives miserable, wild and difficult. God is merciful, God loves humankind, He’s like the Good Samaritan. He gave His blood for us. It’s not possible for Him to ask difficult things of us, and because He knows how weak we are, He gives us everything for free”’
“‘It’s critical to understand these things because if we believe that God’s will is difficult or unknown, we won’t survive. Our life will be suffocating, our heart will be hurt, our intellect will grow tired and our existence will wither like a flower that turns yellow after a few days.’10
On How to make spiritual progress
To escape our demons, we ought to pray and fast with a wider and deeper meaning: vigilance and prayer. St. Paisios, with everything he said to the young man [struggling with passion], directed the orientation of his whole life to God, to his fellowman, and to love. He filled up all his free time, his thinking, and his heart with engagements and actions of love and prayer. In other words, engagements and actions which cleanse us from our sins. Vigilance and prayer purify our inner self and lead us to sanctification. They enable us to become not just bystanders but bearers of the Transfiguration. And when we are united with the Transfigured Lord, no demon could ever stand in our way.11
Elder Aimilianos gives an example: ‘I often worry about the question of perfection and think, “If I were to die right now, how would God judge me? What should I do? Should I make a list of everything I need to fulfill—charity, humility, a clean heart? The Gospel says the pure of heart will see God... But how can I possibly achieve all of this? It’s too much! The elder responds with the solution, emphasizing the importance of one single thing: vigilance. “If we focus on this one thing—keeping our heart with Christ, saying the prayer, 'Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me’—everything else will follow. Don’t worry about how to achieve every virtue or writing lists of all the things you need to do. God will grant you these virtues when the time is right, if you persist in your practice of vigilance.”12
When people would confess to Elder about having distracting thoughts during prayer, he would tell them: ‘Let the thought do whatever it wants; you just keep doing what you’re doing and keep your mind on Christ.’ What do we usually do instead? Let’s say a thought arises, like: ‘The Elder doesn’t love me.’ We respond by saying: ‘Get out of here, the Elder loves me.’ Or a thought suggesting that we steal something comes to mind and we reject it by thinking: ‘I’m a Christian, how could I steal? Lord, have mercy!’ Elder Aimilianos says that the moment we talk to a thought, we’ve lost the game. That’s because it’s extremely difficult to free ourselves from a thought once we’ve engaged it. In both situations, what we should do is simply ignore the thought. By doing so, we go on undisturbed and preserve our peace. This is extremely important in our spiritual life.13
I remember Elder Aimilianos being asked once about how to pray. They asked for details on breathing techniques, posture—whether to sit or stand—and so on. He would say that a person who truly loves God doesn’t need any of these specifics. When you have love, that’s enough; God is love, and you are already connected. While techniques can be helpful, they are
not essential if you genuinely love God.14
I had the privilege of visiting the Holy Land with Elder Aimilianos in 1995. After our visit to the Transfiguration Monastery, where we celebrated a Divine Liturgy atop Mount Tabor, we left. I believe we were then at the foothills of the Mount of Olives awaiting a taxi, when I found an opportunity to ask the following question of him: "Elder, what did Christ find in the hearts of His Disciples at the specific moment of the Transfiguration, that enabled their spiritual eyes to open?” He responded: “When we eat, we have eaten—that’s It! And It becomes Light and Life and Grace!” He referred to the Holy Communion we had just partaken of. His response was tailored for me, and he gave me exactly what my heart needed. He could have advised obedience, greater asceticism, or increased vigilance, but he didn’t. He essentially told me that what I needed was Christ. In essence, I couldn’t have done anything more than what I was already doing. The recipe necessitated just one additional ingredient: God, Holy Communion. Not additional human actions and intensity, but God and patience.15
