They say despondency is a grave sin. It is on the list of the seven deadly sins along with murder or pride, and, of course, it looks the most “innocuous” compared to them. It would seem that there is “nothing criminal” in it. A person cannot rejoice and have fun non-stop, especially in difficult times, surrounded by chaos and endless problems.
Today, people try to swim with the tide, barely keeping up with the current frenzied pace of life. Domestic affairs, work, everyday life… “I wish I could have time to do everything—what joy are you talking about?” Besides, things are not going well, you are snowed under with work, and there is probably no getting out of it. And the soul? Is there really time to deal with what’s happening to it? Time seems to slip away, oozing through your fingers. Everything is dull and so bleak. And with you is a constant feeling of “forsakenness”, as if you are alone and even God doesn’t care about you… It’s scary, isn’t it? But we build all these thoughts ourselves, we voluntarily allow them to form in our minds and let them control us. We become their miserable slaves and sink into this abyss of despondency. The soul is under the sway of fear, the companion of despondency, and from that moment on we no longer belong to ourselves.
My soul melteth for heaviness (Ps. 118:28)
Despondency is often confused with sadness, a feeling of grief for specific sins or losses. However, it is known that sorrow can also be useful: for example, Godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation (2 Cor. 7:10). But despondency is aimless, all-encompassing melancholy, despair of God’s mercy, and depletion of love for God and others. In other words, it is sadness that turns into self-centered despair, an extremely dangerous degree of despondency. St. Theophan the Recluse called despair “the denouncer of unbelief and selfishness in the heart”, and St. Seraphim of Sarov often quoted the Holy Scriptures, recalling that “despair is the devil’s perfect joy, and ... a sin unto death” (cf. 1 Jn. 5:16).
That is why the Holy Fathers unanimously spoke about the destructive power of despondency. This seemingly “harmless” feeling leads to the death of the soul—distrust of God. “Despair is the heavy and final blow of the devil. Before you sin it makes you imagine God as merciful, and after you sin—as just. Such is his cunning,” said St. Tikhon of Zadonsk.
We often create all our problems. We build castles in the air and have our head in the clouds of our imagination, believing that everything in our lives will happen exactly according to this scenario. “We build our own destinies—we are free to decide what is best for us…” It is pride that speaks inside us—we believe that we “do everything on our own”, and at this time the Lord, through circumstances of our lives, shows us where we should go so as not to drown in our “dear selves” completely, quietly waiting for His children to listen to Him. Faced with the harsh reality of life, far from our daydreams, we are overtaken by another old acquaintance of ours—panic.
“How could this happen? I didn’t want that… It was not in my plans!” But it was in the plans of God, to Whom we turn in perplexity, saying: “My God, You see what is going on! Help me! I dreamed of something else!” The Lord, of course, sees everything, but, as it seems to us, does not answer us and does not help us solve our problem here and now. At this point, no stages of acceptance help anymore; we refuse to believe in what is happening, we scold and blame everyone around us, and consider ourselves rejected by people and God alike. Meanwhile, life around us is going its usual way: people smile, run about their business and just live their lives, short as they are.
True, our lives are full of unpleasant surprises, tribulations and hardships. It’s very difficult to keep peace of mind when there are so many trials on your life path. But we must not be despondent in any case. The Lord knows us better than we do ourselves, so when He is slow to “hear” us, do not despair—He is preparing something more meaningful and beautiful for us, and we just need to learn to trust Him. We must learn to let go of all the empty and insignificant things. Step over setbacks and move on with God! After all, what seems important to us today will mean nothing tomorrow.
A spiritual elder once said: “God is not punishing you—He is bringing you back to Himself.” We think that everything bad is “payback”; that if your life is falling apart, it means that you “got it for your sins”. But the elder taught: “When a person goes the wrong way, God does not strike him: He takes away what leads him away from Him. Thus, paths break down, relationships are ruined, doors close, and attachments disappear. It’s not punishment, but mercy, so that you may not die on false paths and finally hear your heart. But sometimes the opposite happens: once you take a tiny step towards the truth, life begins to breathe again. People appear, energy bubbles, your thoughts become clearer, and your soul feels such peace that you just want to stand in silent gratitude. “If there is peace in your soul, you are going the right way. If your soul feels uneasy, God is calling you back.”
God is not a judge who waits for your mistakes. God is the way home, where you are always welcome, even if you have gone astray a hundred times. If something is collapsing today, don’t be scared. It’s often God Who is removing from your life things that can’t accompany you any longer. And if you feel lightness and ease, rest assured that you are back where your heart breathes.
Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, ye righteous (Ps. 31:11)
Why art thou cast down, O my soul, and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God (Ps. 41:11)—these lines from a famous psalm become a real anchor of salvation when a heavy weight falls onto the soul. They remind us of the most important thing—a cheerful spirit that we draw from our faith. Indeed, nobody should be despondent, because despondency is not just a bad mood, but a grave sin that drains the soul of its strength; and that is why it is so important to find the strength to break through darkness to light and rejoice even in the hardest times.
