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There is no man who lives and does not sin, as one Church prayer says. This, however, must be understood rightly: as a call to cleanse ourselves from sin as thoroughly as possible, to repeat sins as rarely as possible in the future, and never repeat mortal sins once we have confessed them. When we acquire such an awareness of the need for purification, and then bring forth active repentance, it is time to prepare for confession and to seek out an experienced priest. Let us begin, therefore, with preparation for confession.
Preparation is always necessary for confession, since confession is (let us emphasize this once again) a therapeutic act intended to cleanse and heal the wounds of our soul, so that they may not fester, putrefy, and—God forbid—be carried into eternity in such a state, when they will no longer be able to be healed. In this sense, as we prepare for confession, we should bear in mind that the priest is not a police officer who will interrogate us in order to establish some kind of guilt, nor a judge who pronounces punishment for a proven offense, but a physician who carefully listens to the nature of the sinful wound upon the soul, so that, accordingly, he may cleanse the wound, apply balm to it, bandage it, and then offer concrete spiritual therapy by which we ourselves may continue to treat that wound. Here the analogy with medicine is almost complete, with the priest being only a servant of the True Physician of soul and body—the Lord Jesus Christ. It is therefore very important to find a priest who is spiritually experienced, so that he may adequately treat the wounds of our soul.
Every priest should be shown due respect, because every priest (provided that he is canonical and holds to the true faith) has the grace to perform sacred rites. Nevertheless, not every priest is also a spiritual father, for that is a special gift and in part also requires experience; thus, it is advisable to choose one’s confessor with care. On the other hand, this does not mean that one should be excessively selective about where one will make one’s confession, since in the end one may easily remain unconfessed. Often it will be sufficient simply to turn to our parish priest, to whom the Church has entrusted the care of a particular parish. If he is only a “general practitioner,” that will still be enough for him to heal most of the wounds of our soul, while for those that are grave and complex he will give us a “referral,” that is, he will send us to a “specialist doctor” who is more spiritually experienced.
All of us have at least once in life needed to go for an ordinary medical examination, and we know that it is sometimes desirable, and at other times necessary, to come prepared with laboratory tests and everything else that might help the physician determine the diagnosis as precisely as possible and prescribe the proper therapy. It is also understood that during such an examination we ourselves describe our medical condition, our symptoms, and everything we believe the physician should know—everything that makes his work easier and enables him to determine the best possible diagnosis. If the physician has something additional to ask, he will ask it, and we will answer sincerely—for our own benefit.
Now let us imagine an entirely different scenario: that a patient comes to the doctor completely unprepared, brings none of the necessary documentation, and, when asked by the doctor about his condition, speaks only in vague terms—perhaps something hurts, though he himself is not sure whether it hurts or where it hurts—and yet, on the other hand, knows precisely who in his family, extended family, and neighborhood has which ailment, while he himself (unlike them) is, in principle, healthy and suffers only from everyday minor complaints. When asked why he came for the examination and took an appointment that others are waiting for, the patient replies that he came merely in order to fulfill a certain formal requirement of having an annual checkup (in other words, he came just for the sake of formality). However bizarre such a situation may seem, something similar occurs every day in Church life when it comes to confession.
If we were to conduct a survey among priests and ask them what is most difficult in their vocation, we would almost certainly find that in most cases the answer would be confession. But not because of sinners who truly repent, that is, those who come prepared for confession and seek healing for their soul; rather, because of self-proclaimed “righteous people,” who come to confession either unprepared, or in order to boast of their supposed spiritual health, or to speak about the spiritual illnesses of their neighbors (or all of these things combined). Yet when a person comes prepared to confess sincerely, the priest is completely unburdened, and all that remains for him is to listen attentively, with inward prayer, to the one standing before him, offer concrete spiritual counsel, and read the prayer of absolution for the specific sins that have been confessed.
The most difficult situation for a priest is when he must expend the greater part of his energy trying to persuade a believer that he really ought to confess something concrete, given that he has already come to confession, and that he ought not to speak about the sins of others. After only one such ordeal with a conceited, so-called “righteous man” who feels no need for repentance yet has nevertheless come to confession, a priest usually loses as much strength as he would need to confess ten sincere penitents, and not infrequently he feels the need to change the shirt he wears under his cassock, because it is often soaked with sweat from “wrestling” with the proud, self-appointed “righteous man” (which is why in such situations a priest also needs a glass of water to recover a little). Therefore, if one comes to confession, one should not permit oneself the luxury of requiring the priest to persuade one to confess—such a situation is in itself bizarre.
If we truly do not know what we ought to confess, yet still feel the need to go to confession, then at the outset we should ask ourselves who the people are that know us best, and what they believe ought to be corrected in us. The family environment in particular is a good starting point for self-criticism, and so, to begin with, we may ask ourselves some initial questions while preparing for confession: Do I honor my parents? Do I set a good example for my children? Do I fulfill my marital duties conscientiously? Do I remain faithful to my spouse? Such matters are understood by almost everyone, and people generally recognize them in themselves.
There is yet another simple criterion that can help us at the very beginning to prepare ourselves, even before we enter into the deeper questions of confession. It concerns whether we are merciful, or whether we are ruled by stinginess, contempt for the poor, insensitivity, hardness of heart, and indifference towards the suffering of others. A Christian is a person who, in addition to confessing his faith, tests himself by the work of mercy. Moreover, the Lord Jesus Christ warns us quite clearly that mercy will be the fundamental criterion when we are judged at the Last Judgment, when it will be asked whether we fed the hungry, gave drink to the thirsty, and visited the sick and the imprisoned (cf. Matt. 25:31–46). These are only some of the questions we may ask ourselves at the very beginning, if we truly do not know where to start.
It is always advisable before confession to consult some handbook for confession as well, after which it will become much clearer to a person what ought to be confessed and what ought not to be confessed, and he may then reflect accordingly. And when a person is aware of what he needs to confess, he should also be practical, and agree with his parish priest or spiritual father on a time when he may come for confession. This is because a thorough confession requires a substantial amount of time, and it cannot be carried out on the assumption that the priest is available “at the push of a button.” The priest must be given enough time to organize himself properly, just as one would with a chosen physician, if we are already using simple and understandable analogies from daily life. Moreover, the appointed time for confession should be used in the best possible way. Therefore, when we go to confession, we do so solely for confession and for nothing else. If we feel the need to meet with the priest and speak with him about various matters, including spiritual conversation, we shall set aside another day and a different context for that apart from confession. This is precisely the point at which something should be said about proper and improper confession with regards to the confession of specific sins.
To be continued…
