In our country we celebrate the Day of the Defender of Motherland. Corporate parties, congratulations and celebrations in honor of men, giving military-style gifts… It is common to congratulate all representatives of the “stronger sex” with this holiday—those who served in the army and those who didn’t. The reasoning is clear to see: every man is a defender by nature. When a woman chooses a life-long partner, it’s critically important for her to see in him a man capable of acting as a defender in a physical, social, financial, and psychological sense. He should be someone who will stand up for her, provide for his family, share an embrace and support her in hour of need. Overall, he should be someone you won’t be afraid to even travel around the world with.
Therefore, a defender isn’t necessarily someone who wears a military uniform or fights at the front. Without a doubt, military service is the ultimate self-realization of a man as a defender. But there are also other areas in which to achieve this. So, if a willingness to defend one’s family is considered an undeniable virtue in a man, which is accepted as necessary and indispensable, then a man’s aspiration to protect his unborn children is met with… sheer indignation. Because of this, I decided to bring up this “uncomfortable” topic. Because, in my thinking, the defense of Motherland must begin with the family.
I think the defense of Motherland must begin with the family
We’ve seen an encouraging tendency over the last few years: the ever-increasing number of projects and additional measures aimed at the protection of children before birth. Certainly, we owe it to the joint effort of the Church, civil organizations and government officials, the ones that really care. Thank God, we are moving towards a complete renunciation of the deadly sin of infanticide. Slowly, but steadily our nation is beginning to understand what is going on here. At least, I’d like to stay optimistic about it.
But, as it always happens, any news of this or that initiative aimed at prevention and reduction of numbers of abortions stirs a massive public outcry. We are beginning to see a huge number of indignant commentaries under relevant news articles. Moreover, it’s not only the restrictive measures that are met with hostility, but even the initiatives such as ban to predispose a pregnant woman to have abortion. Even the news of the deepening of social support geared towards the birthrate increase is followed by sarcastic comments on the part of some readers.
However, there is nothing principally new about it. Abortion is considered an indisputable and inherent woman’s right, while any activity aimed at protection of an unborn infant is seen as grave infringement of her rights. Worthy of separate attention is women’s reaction on the opinions voiced by the men who care about the problem of abortions.
I have once stumbled upon a short video whose creator shared how her mother wanted to have an abortion, but her father didn’t allow this to happen. Her father had already died by then and so her video was dedicated to him. Of course, it couldn’t go without outrage on the part of some commenters. Like, how dare he try to stop her from having an abortion or, who is he to decide for her? In other words, the author of the video was basically told right up front that she had to be killed inside her mother’s womb—simply because her mom has willed to do so.
There are women who think that since men go through neither pregnancy nor birth, they mustn’t get a say either. They claim that only a woman risks her life and health, and so her unborn baby’s fate is solely in her hands. The fact that it takes two to conceive or that a baby receives a half of biological material from a father is simply not accepted as argument. They treat the fact that a baby is a living being, and not someone’s property in the same way. Next come the same old, threadbare arguments: an embryo isn’t a human being, but simply a cell population, and so abortion isn’t homicide.
Sadly, it is necessary to admit that, with all lameness of such point of view, it also has just causes. Tragically, single mothers are not unusual in our society. In the event of a divorce, many fathers disappear from the life of their sons and daughters. Not only does the former wife become a burden for them, but so does their child. “ A man is here today, but gone tomorrow,” proclaim the adherents of the abortion rights, and it is hard to challenge this.
In some families, the men themselves insist on terminating pregnancy. Sometimes women willingly decide to do this themselves with silent approval of their spouses, who disengage themselves from this matter and allow their wives to decide. It’s even more tragic for couples that aren’t officially married. As often as not, the hapless boyfriend makes an ultimatum: It’s either me or the baby. Or, as it happens even more frequently, they simply disappear after having learned about the pregnancy of their love interest. They sometimes leave money for abortion as a farewell gift and there is no other name for it but a slap in the face.
If all men implicated in the sin of abortion were to repent, we would be living in a different society
It is hard to say who is more responsible for this, women or men. But, as Archpriest Andrei Tkachev has said, if all men implicated in the sin of abortion were to repent, we would be living in a different society. It is absolutely true. People have the illusion that, since it is a woman who undergoes abortion, it is solely her fault, and not anyone else’s. Meanwhile, every conceived child has a father, who can easily figure out that his relationship with a woman may result in the conception of a new life. And that the woman he has just abandoned may theoretically be already pregnant with his child.
At the same time, it is hard to deny that a man would hardly ever consider himself a defender if he hears such tirades as, “you will never give birth to a child yourself, so t’s not up to you to decide!” At first, women aggressively shove men away from participation in the decision-making process about vital questions, but then, in an instant they accuse them of lacking responsibility. It is necessary to admit for fairness’ sake that there are also many men who do care for their family. Working hard, they are ready to provide for their children and have no intention of abandoning them. But they are rebuffed every time when they ask for second or a third child. Not because there isn’t enough money or the woman is in poor health. The reason is that the woman simply doesn’t want a child. She gave birth to one, but if her husband wants another one—it’s his problem. But some representatives of the “weaker sex” don’t even want to have one child. They cherish other plans—to have a career, self-realization, travels, or to simply have a life “for herself.” As for kids—this will come, but later. If a man insists on having an addition to their family, it is interpreted as infringement on women’s rights. Feminists have even come up with a special term for this: “reproductive abuse.” At the same time, the unwillingness of a woman to have children isn’t somehow considered reproductive abuse in relation to her husband. But isn’t it abuse from a man’s standpoint?
In the meantime, the term “reproduction” means to procreate and to multiply. This way, true reproductive abuse is what takes place in the abortion clinics. Besides, it isn’t merely abuse of the ones of your kind, but it is also the abuse of the reproductive system of a woman. It is war. Except that the warring sides are quite unequal.
There is an opinion that abortions have been one of the spiritual reasons behind the current war. I agree with this. And probably this war was also allowed to happen so that men could remember their loftiest predestination—to be defenders. Because the defense of the Motherland isn’t just a military deed; it is also the protection of your family and children—not only after, but before birth. It is about the readiness and decisiveness to stand up for the right of life from the moment of conception. It is, according to the word by the Holy Apostle Paul, about readiness to give your life for your wife, just as Christ gave his life for His Church. It is loyalty and allegiance both to our Motherland and family. It is also about serving God with your own life.
My sincere wish to all men is that they never forget one thing: They are our defenders. The defenders of the Motherland, wives, and children. It is imperative for a woman to feel and know that her husband won’t abandon her, or bury his head in the sand if any problems arise, or will never send her for an abortion, or say in the event of unplanned pregnancy: “You decide yourself.” Because it is only then she would be at peace and feel protected with him. She will see in her man a steady support for their family. She will long to trust and submit to him—because of love, and not because of fear.
As for our women, I would like to wish that they pay attention to many good things in their men as often as possible. And also, do thank them for all those good things. For example, after he went to the store yesterday, say, “Thank you!” Or, if he went for a walk with the kids—make sure to praise him with a word of encouragement.
We shouldn’t compete with men and prove something to them, locking horns and fighting a fierce battle over “equal rights.” I periodically remind my daughters that a girl mustn’t go up against a boy. You don’t see women competing against men in any kind of sports. They are just too different. Different, both physically and mentally. We complement each other, but we don’t compete.
For us women, it is important to see men as our defenders, to support and inspire them—with our gentle attitude, affection, and gratitude. Whenever a woman stresses the value and the significance of things a man does for his family, it gives him strength, and he is willing to achieve even more.
We can only turn the tide to spiritually renew our country through joint efforts—eginning with ourselves, instead of shifting responsibility on to someone else and blaming each other.
